we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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