Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
