dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize