So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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