pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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