I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Edward fifth and chaser hands
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
