just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
