I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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