wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
