Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
