You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
