Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
