I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
