i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
