She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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