The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i think i just lost a toe
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
