I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
