Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
