Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
