If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
