Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Come on in and take your pants off
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
