her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
