Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
