The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
