After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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