I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
