what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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