Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
