Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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