he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize