she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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