smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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