Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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