Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
