She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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