kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize