So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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