He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
