just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
