I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
