You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
