Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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