For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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