And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
