i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
