the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
