maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Randomize
