An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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