and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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