I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
