Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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