what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
