I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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