My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm at about main and main street
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
