he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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