I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
