Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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