i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
