Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
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