The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize