I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
