hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
