just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
