i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
