people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
