Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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